The Naughty Step
by Kirrithian
Summary: After misadventure in Victorian London the Doctor and Strax find themselves on the naughty step of Paternoster Row, waiting and wondering when the girls will forgive them.
1. Chapter 1

**The Naughty Step**

Chapter One.

The Doctor and Strax sat side by side on the doorstep in front of the bright blue door of thirteen Paternoster Row. Two pristine top hats side by side, Strax's slowly sliding off his brown domed head, resting momentarily against one of his stumpy ears, before it was pushed back, to balance once more on the summit of the Sontarans head.

"Sir,"

"I'm not talking to you." The Doctor cut across, continuing to lean forward and glare at an arbitrary brick across the street.

"Neither are the women folk, and communication is essential for any unit to work efficiently, so it is imperative you resume communications with me immediately."

"Why?"

"I might have something useful to say."

"That'll be the day. This is all your fault you know."

"I was only following your orders, sir."

"I told you to look after her, not to..." the Doctor sighed, settling down again, "and now they've kicked us out, nowhere to go."

"Don't you still have the Tardis?" Strax pointed out, the Doctors mouth closing in realisation.

"I'm going for a walk."

"Very good sir. Attack from within- they'll never see it coming!"

"No Strax, just..." the Doctor shook his head "stay here."

The surrounding array of bells chimed one hour, then the next as Strax continued his vigil on the step, only perking up as the wheezing groaning of the Tardis echoed from inside. Tucking his hat under his arm he stood to attention expectantly outside, unperturbed by the rain that began to fall.

"Strax." Strax jumped and spun around, the Doctor automatically ducking the flying hat, which bowled across the lane, narrowly missing the wheels of a carriage as it went past.

"Do not sneak up on me like that sir, you are fortunate I was not armed."

"Fortunate? That's something I can thank the girls for." The Doctor concluded, Strax mouthing 'girls' behind him and muttering something about grenades. "Strax, I need your help to find the Tardis- she took off without me and I don't know where she is."

"No need sir. She landed inside about ten minutes ago."

The Doctor stopped his pacing and looked between Strax's pointing finger and the house, his gaze steely, before he returned to the doorstep and sat down once more. Strax joined him, and still in silence, the Doctor returned his now mud spattered top hat to Strax.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two.

The Doctor and Strax sat side by side on the doorstep in front of the bright blue door of thirteen Paternoster Row. Two top hats side by side, one spattered with brown mud, matching the colour of the domed head it adorned. It had barely migrated an inch to freedom before Strax planted it back on the summit of his head.

"What's our plan of attack sir?" Strax leant towards the Doctor, speaking in hushed tones. "There is a structural weakness in the south west corner that we could exploit with only a couple of tons of gunpowder to gain entry to the house, from there we could..."

"Strax, we are not attacking the house!"

"Are we not besieging them at this very moment, cutting off their only means of supply and escape?"

"Strax, they have the Tardis."

"A clear and distinct tactical disadvantage to ourselves- we must prioritise re-securing it as soon as we can. In the meantime I suggest we continue to hold their supply lines, starve them out."

"Strax, they've been using the back door." The Doctor kicked at the cobbles. "Anyway, we're not besieging them, they're our friends. That's not the plan."

"Well, what is the plan sir?"

"Wait. Until they're ready to talk to us."

"And negotiate their full and unconditional surrender!"

"More of a peace treaty."

"How long do we need to wait?"

"Females, Strax. You can never be sure."

"So they could be ready to talk to us now? What are we waiting for?" Strax stood up, straightening out his shirt and tie, sweeping his top hat off and brushing himself down, the Doctor quickly joining him, placing a hand on Strax's shoulder as he reached towards the doorknocker.

"Let me do the talking." The Doctor tweaked his bow tie and held his hat to his chest as Strax rapped on the door. After a few moments it opened, and shortly slammed shut again.

"Well that went well." Strax declared. The Doctor held up his flattened hat frowning at it before popping it back into shape and placing it on his head, sweeping around in indignation and promptly sitting back down on the step again.

Strax joined him.

"We could try the back door." He suggested, and the Doctor buried his head in his hands.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three.

The Doctor and Strax sat side by side on the doorstep in front of the bright blue door of thirteen Paternoster Row. Two battered top hats side by side, one spattered with mud, in its flattened state sitting nicely on the matching brown domed head it adorned.

Strax looked to the Doctor, who continued to avoid making eye contact, his hunched demeanour now matching that of his hat. He cast around for a topic of conversation to break the gloomy silence, the first few drops of rain giving him the perfect cue.

"Local weather systems are particularly unfavourable for this point in the planetary cycle." He declared.

"It's a clear night." Grumbled the Doctor, pulling his coat up around himself as Strax looked upwards to see the stars in a cloudless sky framing the bucket being emptied out the window above them, covering them in a deluge of slightly warm soapy water. The window slammed, the sound reverberating through the glass panes, leaving the two below with no illusions to the feelings of the occupants, a fact emphasised when the Doctors hat collapsed, folding like a sodden slinky into his lap.

"Sir,"

"They just need more time." The Doctor defiantly returned his hat to its position, where it deflated, sending trickles of water down his face.

The next morning, as the sunlight rose above the rooftops, finally making its way into the street, starting work on evaporating the puddle that had appeared on the cobbles below number thirteen, where the two still sat on the doorstep. In the silence they heard the click of the window, and in a simultaneous, well practised move they each unfurled an umbrella with a wompf, deflecting the next bucketful away.


	4. Chapter 4

Apologies for the messed up initial posting of this chapter! Some cybermites infested my computer, but now that I've ousted them with my sonic wrench, it's back to business as usual.

* * *

Chapter Four.

The Doctor and Strax sat side by side on the doorstep in front of the bright blue door of thirteen Paternoster Row. Two damp, battered top hats side by side, hanging on the curved handles of the black umbrellas the two held.

"What abo..."

"No."

"Prehaps we should..."

"No."

"I suggest..."

"No."

"What about..."

"Definitely not," the Doctor cut through the next point too "and absolutely certainly no grenades!" Strax leant away from the Doctor, mouth tight shut, then shuffled across the step.

"Curious, the Doctor appears to have developed mind reading powers. This is a massive tact..."

"Strax," the Doctor sighed "you're just saying everything out loud."

"Really? So you cannot, in fact, mind read?"

"No."

"A test then. What am I thinking right... now?"

"Something about grenades and world domination probably." The Doctor dismissed Straxs splutterings with a wave of the hand, taking a step up to the door and rapping on it. "Hello!" There was no answer. "Anybody in there? I want to talk. Helloooo! Anybody? Clara? Jenny?... Vastra?" Still no answer, though he continued thumping the door.

"Sire I believe you would have been addressed by now if they wished to communicate."

"Strax, I am not stopping until I get to speak to someone."

"You could speak to me."

"Someone else. I can feel my IQ slipping. I need some intelligent conversation." He pulled open the letterbox flap, looking into the hallway, continuing to call out. "I know you're in there, I just want to talk." He caught sight of a movement in the shadows. "Jenny! Jenny Jenny Jenny Jenny Jenny, please don't leave, I just want to talk. Please?" The Figure paused in the shadows, before moving to shut the doors along the hall, softly making her way down the hall, pausing to collect something off a stand.

"Stay back." The Doctor pulled out of the way as her scabbarded katana was pushed through the letterbox and twisted onto its edge, to hold it open. "There. Now we can talk."

"Thank you, I really app..."

"What do you want Doctor?"

"Clara, how is she?"

"She's okay. Still recovering."

"Will she..."

"She'll be fine."

"Ah, good. That's good. Can I see her?"

"No!"

"You can't keep her from seeing me! At least let her have the choice."

"She does, and she could come and see you whenever she wants."

"I haven't seen her."

"I don't blame her. I'd be pretty sick of seeing doctors if I'd been there, and you're not exactly in the good books right now."

"Please, I want to see her!"

"No Doctor, she'll see you when she's ready. We're done here." She drew the sword back through the flap, the Doctor grabbing hold to stop it disappearing.

"Wait!"

There was a click, and the pressure against him on the sword disappeared and jerking back, almost falling down the steps he found himself holding the scabbard. The door pulled open, and Jenny stood there, sword in hand, looking rather angry.

"Give that back, now."

"No." Jenny brandished the sword, and the Doctor surrendered it immediately. Turning back to the house she spotted Strax attempting to sneak down the hallway.

"Oi!" The sword flew, and skewered the flat top hat to the dining room door. Strax attempted to pull it out, but Jenny was right behind him, hand on his back, close to the vent. "Get out!" She demanded, pushing him in the direction of the exit and he quickly vacated the premises, stumbling down the steps.

The door shut behind them once more


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five.

The Doctor and Strax sat side by side on the doorstep in front of the bright blue door of thirteen Paternoster Row, gazing up at the sight above them.

"At least they've stopped throwing water out." The Doctor pointed out, popping out creases in his own top hat, seeming somewhat more cheerful than he had been. Above them Strax's muddy, damp, squashed and now skewered top hat was suspended, held in position on Jennys sword, clamped above them by the weight of the window. Strax grumbled and continued to glower at it from where he was laid back against the steps.

"Shall we go to a pub Strax?" the Doctor suggested with a smile.

"No sir, I shall remain here and keep watch."

"Not like you to turn down a trip to the local. You might miss out on a fight." The Doctor teased, watch Strax fidget out the corner of his eye. "You're stuck aren't you?"

"No." Strax pouted

"Well, come on then." The Doctor stood and strode across the street, turning to look at Strax, still in the same position, attempting some sort of rocking in a bid to get up, stopping as soon as he realised he was being watched. "You _are_ stuck."

"There has merely been an unusually large accumulation of water in my armouring. I am still fully capable of all combat manoeuvres."

The Doctors eyebrows shot up and eventually Strax broke contact, and went back to trying to roll, without any success.

"Here, I'll give you a hand." The Doctor offered, heading over and attempting to pull Strax up off the steps despite his protests, but eventually letting him drop back down again. "Gosh, you really are heavy."

"It's water retention."

"Of course." He set to work again, this time gathering up Straxs legs.

"What are you doing? Unhand me at once!" but Strax was unable to stop the Doctor as he lifted him up feet first, several trickles of water emerging from the edges of his armour.

The door opened, Madam Vastra and Clara observing the now silent scene in front of them.

"Peace offering?" The Doctor suggested, giving the stony faced Strax a small shake. They ignored him and bustled past, Jenny too, all getting into a waiting carriage. "Clara?" The Doctor rushed to the carriage to stop the door closing. "Clara, please, I'm sorry about what happened, please can you forgive me?" She listened, her face giving nothing away, before leaning forward and swiping his top hat off of him and slamming the carriage door, a couple of taps signalling to the driver to take them away, leaving the Doctor watching as they disappeared around the corner of the street, taking a few steps as if to go after them.

"Sir, the house is empty, now would be an ideal time for you to retrieve the Tardis." Strax pointed out from where he lay on the steps, on his back, head at the bottom, resting against the cobbles.

"What about you?" The Doctor tilted his head to one side to be the same way up as Strax.

"I shall join you as soon as sufficient fluid has drained to facilitate movement."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six.

He knew they were out. Of course he knew they were out. He'd just seen them leave. So why was he creeping around the place like a prehistoric creature might at any moment leap out at him? Because, he thought to himself- that's exactly what could happen, and he wasn't all that keen to see Madam Vastra right now. So he continued to slip through the house, peeking through one door, then another, keeping a sharp ear out, trying to locate the familiar hum of the Tardis. The next room he tried was bright, the glass ceiling of the conservatory amplifying the bright reds and oranges, purple, pinks, green and blue. There she was, tucked behind some palms and ferns- the Tardis.

"Put your hands in the air and surrender human scum!" The Doctor turned.

"Strax!"

"Oh, sorry sir- I did not see you there. I thought I heard an intruder." He had a good look around, the Doctor sighing.

"I told you I was just getting the Tardis- there is no intruder." He made his way to his ship and unlocked the door. "Come on." He disappeared inside, leaving Strax hunting around for the non-existent intruder, lifting chairs and opening cutlery drawers. The Doctor snared him as he wandered by, dragging him into the Tardis and shutting the door behind him. "Sit." The Doctor said.

"Sir?"

"That's an order!" The Doctor commanded and Strax jumped to attention with a shout of sir!, shouldering an imaginary weapon before setting himself on the floor. The Doctor shook his head and started unwinding wires from the console to where Strax sat. "I don't know why it didn't work first time- but I'm not taking the chance now, I've got to fix this. You know where and when she was, so I'm going to connect you to the Tardis so she can use those exact co-ordinates, and lead us straight to Clara to pick her up right after you left her."

"But sir, then how would she be there for Vastra to collect?"

"Just leave that to me, and don't touch anything!" The Doctor chided, slapping Straxs hand away from a wire attached to his head. "just concentrate on where and when. On second thoughts, don't concentrate- you might scramble the circuits."

"Very good sir." Tentatively the Doctor backed away from where Strax was sat, and back up to the console, pushing and pulling a few levers.

They had landed. After the machinery settled they heard a knock on the door. "Come in." The Doctor called, and Clara slipped in.

"Somewhere safe? Somewhere safe?! If you think I'm going to be staying somewhere like that whilst you go off about fighting aliens you've got another thought coming."

"I know, I'm sorry, but you might still have to."

"What?" The cold anger emanating from Clara could have curled reinforced steel.

"I'm sort of bending the rules being here- I'm trying to get you out but I have to land in the right place otherwise there's no point."

"Which rules?"

"Three weeks. It took me three weeks to sort out the... problem."

"You've already done it?" A nod "And you left me in there for three weeks?!"

"Yes. But it could be no. Strax, have a look outside." There was a pause as Strax exited. "Clara, I need to drop you off back there just before Vastra and Jenny pick you up, but they'll be pretty angry with me. You'll stay with them for a bit. Peace and quiet. Think of it as a little holiday, from me."

"Will they find out?" Clara enquired, slightly mollified.

"I hope so, if I've got it right."

"Sir, boy, I believe Madam Vastra and Jenny are arriving presently."

"Clara? It's up to you, we could just leave."

"Would that be in the rules?"

"No."

"I guess I'm going then."

"Give it about a week, then let them know." Clara accepted this with a nod, stood by the door, thinking of one more question before she left.

"Doctor, are you going to be okay?" Standing at the console, he just smiled and she left.

The Doctor sat in one of the chairs by the fire. It was getting dark outside, and Strax was going around closing curtains when the knock came at the door. They both went to greet them, an uncomfortable silence settling over the doorstep as the tables rotated through.

"Well, I think we need to talk." Vastra declared, ushering them all into the living room, Clara and the Doctor taking a moment to hug.

"Enjoy your holiday?"

"Yeah, really quiet. Mostly quiet." Strax stomped past carrying a large pile of bags and boxes through the hallway. "Come on."

Tea was served, and they got down to discussing the matter at hand, the Doctor explaining how he had rectified it.

"It troubles me that the sequence of events still indicates that Clara, at some point would still have stayed in that place for the entire time, yet I feel I had been the most angry, not at that, but that you hadn't gone out of your way to fix it. I am glad to be proven wrong, and Strax,"

"Yes ma'am?"

"Your opinion of safe is somewhat different to ours. Rest assured we will not entrust you to a similar task without detailed instruction in the future. I assume you've both learnt your lessons." A subdue yes came from the pair. "Then, that will be the end of the matter."

"Erm, not quite." Clara added, moving amongst the bags, before lifting out a pair of boxes, handing one to the Doctor, and one to Strax. "I felt a little bad about what happened to yours so I- we got you these. I hope you like them." Taking a glance at each other the Doctor and Strax pulled the ribbons and opened the lids. Inside, sat side by side was each a new pristine top hat.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven.

Day One.

The Doctor entered carefully shutting the door behind him.

"They've gone, all of them." He dusted off his hat and hung it up along with his jacket.

"Are you absolutely certain? We cannot afford to find them on our doorstep once more."

"I followed them out all the way to Pluto. They would have settled in their cryo-units by the time they reached Saturn, so if they were planning on coming back..."

"We would already know." Jenny finished "Cor, I ain't half glad to see the back of them. Breath like a mouldy cabbage and tempers to match."

"A true warrior never misses the chance of glory in battle. A pity boy, your actions were worthy. It was a glorious battle." Strax had sat himself somewhat awkwardly in one of the tall backed chairs, his legs stuck out straight, leaning back with his hands clasped, eyes shut as a smile played across his face. Looking away Jenny flicked a strand of hair out her face.

"Well they had taken particular offence at me."

"A fight for honour no less!"

"Couldn't get it into their heads that a Silurian wasn't an alien though. Obviously didn't know their history."

"Hmm." The thoughtful sound cut through from the Doctor. "The Time Lords disappear and already others try to fill the gap. It was never their place to decide how and when contact and progress occurs."

"They meant well."

"By killing everything and everyone they deemed out of place? That would include all of us remember."

"Yeah, but" Jenny asked "do you really want to be doing all the work your people did before the war? Surely it would be good to share the load."

"They never did anything, that was the problem! And as for..."

"A conversation for another time perhaps." Madame Vastra cut across before the Doctor could get embedded in his rant. "We have managed to succeed in our task. At least for tonight let us celebrate. Strax, there is a bottle of champagne in the south-east corner of the cellar, could you retrieve it for us? And some glasses."

"How many?"

Vastra did a quick count. "Four."

"Five," the Doctor muttered, distracted for a moment "Strax wait. We want five and our fifth person to enjoy it. It's been a while- where's Clara?" Silence stretched between them.

"Somewhere safe." The Sontaran hazarded.

"Strax, where is she?" After more silence the Doctor repeated his question. "Look you can't have forgotten, she's a person, not some thing you can misplace. Please tell me you've not forgotten where she is."

"Sir, I would never forget such an important piece of tactical information."

"I'm glad to hear it. Where is she?"

"Safe."

"You already told me that, Strax- where is she? And don't just say safe this time!"

"She is in a local facility with good security and great personal care. She is well looked after."

"Yes, that's all good, but where? What is her location? Tell me!"

"Never!"

"What?!"

"I have been sworn to secrecy."

"Strax,"

"Sir?"

"I swore you to secrecy."

"Yes," Strax paused, a blank look passing across his face as the Doctor waited tensed on the edge of his seat. "and honour demands I defend it with my life."

The Doctor let out a small cry of frustration, standing up and pacing around the room, massaging his temples before coming to a rest by the wall. "Strax," he tapped the wall every time he said it, "Strax Strax Strax Strax Strax Strax Strax. It has been three, very long, very busy weeks. We've all been working hard, we're all quite tired, and all I want to know is where I can find Clara so I can take her home. Yes, I swore you to secrecy, but that was to stop the Ganess Warriors from finding her. They're gone now, there's no more danger, just tell me where she is." Strax looked pointedly at Jenny and Vastra. The Doctor sighed. "It's okay, you have my permission to tell them. In fact it doesn't matter anymore, you can tell everyone in the world if you wanted, it doesn't need to be a secret anymore. Where is she?" Strax looked for a moment as if he was going to answer, then he clamped his mouth shut and stood unanswering to the Doctors plea. Taking pity on the Doctor, Vastra chose that moment to intervene.

"Strax, tell the Doctor where he can find Clara or I will ban you from visiting Scotland."

"This is blackmail!"

"Strax!"

He grumbled. "Very well. She's at St Bethlems." Gone were the smiles or smirks as the remainder of the rooms occupants vacated their seats in a scrape of wood on stone. "Ah, you know it?"

"Only by reputation." The Doctor pointed out.

"Good, it's..."

"No," the Doctor said curtly "not good."

"Strax," Vastra commanded, "get the carriage ready, then stay out of our way."

"It's not as bad as it used to be." Jenny tried to provide some small comfort.

"Would you spend three weeks in a place with that history?" He asked to a shake of the head. "Three... I'll get the Tardis." With that he swept down the hallway, and collecting his coat and top hat, left.

Three weeks earlier.

"Ganess Warriors. A rather awkward and unpleasant group. It appears they have delivered an ultimatum to all non-terrestrials on Planet Earth." Vastra declared, holding a sheet of typed paper. The Doctor gestured to Strax, who passed him his copy. which he quickly read, folding it shut before Clara had the chance to see what it said.

"What do they want?" She asked.

"All aliens to immediately cease interaction with the natives and leave."

"Or..."

"War. They come and eradicate all sign of any alien influence." The Doctor sighed.

"You realise you must stop them." Vastra pointed out.

"They have the Tardis."

"More reason to do so. Regardless," Vastra tore the paper into small pieces, "I do not believe they should be doing this. They have already made one mistake: I am no alien. If they see that they may be persuaded of the error of their ways." The Doctor nodded in response, looking to Jenny who simply took a step to stand by her wife.

"Right. Okay. Start the search, we need to find them, if possible get a message through. We'll each go out and ask around, Clara can you find my sonic?" The Doctor patted down his jacket "I think I might have left it upstairs." With a roll of the eyes she left and the Doctor immediately turned to Strax. "You know what these warriors are like."

"Sir they are famed to be some of the best hunters in the galaxy, rooting out and slaughtering their foes with maximum prejudice. To them war is an artform, it is truly magnificent- it will be an honour to face them in battle for the glory of the Sontaran..."

"Strax, they will kill everything and everybody associated with aliens. I need you to go with Clara, take her away from here, somewhere safe, look after her until I've dealt with the Warriors, and nobody must know where she is- swear it."

"On my honour I swear I will not reveal where the boy is."

"thank you." The Doctor glanced up as Clara reappeared.

"Couldn't find it." She stated.

"It'll turn up. I need you to go with Strax, you'll start making enquiries down to the south."

"Why am I with him?" She demanded.

"Because I need someone sensible to keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn't blow anyone up."

"Fine."

"Look after yourself." They hugged and the carriage drew up to the front of the house, Strax sat atop. The Doctor watched as she climbed in and it trundled away, out of sight.

* * *

Okay, so I'm leaving this here: even if I do come up with a handful more amusing moments for the Doctor and Strax. Thank you, reader, for making it this far. As the author, I realise it started okay, then there was a huge time gap after the third chapter: this was because I started thinking about the why I was putting behind it, and in developing that story it got deep and serious pretty quick, and some of the themes it was going into I didn't want trivialise too much, which is why I finished it as I did. (I hope that make sense.) That story won't appear on here, but I hope this one entertained (it was fun to write!).

With Thanks to all the readers, Kirrithian


End file.
